goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
