I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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