I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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