Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
