I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
