I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
