i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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