everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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