we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
