Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I will die if light touches me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My vagina is officially offended.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
