Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
