If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
being pregnant is like rehab
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
