My friends, they love my intelligence
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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