I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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