Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
