I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
