Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I touched a dick in church today
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
