Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
