You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
