The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
