Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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