My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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