Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
