Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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