mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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