guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
