It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
