stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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