im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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