I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
