The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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