he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
