highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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