i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
