toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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