I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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