Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
thus making me awesome and them whores
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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