Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I supernannyed him into submission
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
