talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
