Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
