I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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