i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
