What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
