I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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