yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
