Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
