I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I want to be your penis for a week.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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