the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
