ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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