I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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