He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
