Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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