Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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