Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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