I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She bit a glass in half.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
