Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
