new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My dick has a subreddit
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You ate ashes out of my bong
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
