I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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